


A reason to keep going

by UselessSidecharacter



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: F/F, I really don’t know how to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:48:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24512611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UselessSidecharacter/pseuds/UselessSidecharacter
Summary: Catra has always lived with the threat of death being very close to her, no that she’s here it feels a bit underwhelming.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 52





	A reason to keep going

**Author's Note:**

> This work isn’t great, I just kinda wrote it if that makes sense? I didn’t really think that much about it.
> 
> I just wanted to write something.
> 
> I do have quite a few ideas that I wanna write for this fandom but I just didn’t have the energy to put into one of them right now.

Ironically, most of Catra’s life had been intertwined with the idea of death. From the moment Shadow Weaver had found her as a child she had been forced to confront her own mortality; she’d always known that she was only a bad mistake away from her superior deciding that she was no longer needed.

There were moments, most of them actually, when the only reason she kept going, kept forcing her way through life in the horde was Adora.

Adora and their plans, one day they would be in charge and they wouldn’t have to be scared of Shadow Weaver or anyone, they would rule the Fright lands. Together.

That shared future, her and Adora being in charge together, that was worth living for.

But then Adora left. And she took those dreams with her.

And Catra hated Adora, or at least she tried to.

Catra had come close to death then, Shadow Weaver’s anger was unlike anything which had come before and now Catra didn’t have Adora to tell her everything was going to be Ok if they just stuck together.

But she wouldn’t let life beat her like this. Instead of Love keeping her alive Catra forced her way on with anger and pride, she pretended that she didn’t need Adora, that being without her didn’t feel like she was suffocating, because she would be the best, she would show Shadow Weaver how wrong she was, she would prove herself to Hordak, she would defeat the princesses and Adora.

She  _ would. _

And to do that she needed to be alive.

There was a time, brief and soon taken away, that Catra was almost happy, a time when she was slowly allowing herself to trust Scorpia and Entrapta, when Hordak seemed almost impressed by her. She could have gone on like that, the three of them battling the rebellion. So what if it didn't feel the same as when her and Adora had sat at their platform, talking about their future? Adora had left her and Catra hated her for it. She did. She hated her.

But those tolerable times were over almost as soon as she realised they were happening. 

Shadow Weaver escaped and Hordak was going to kill her. She knew this was it, and she laughed. Having avoided the death which had looked over her every day only to be killed for letting her tormentor, the person she’d known she could trust, trick her one final time.

But then he had sent her off to the crimson waste to die a slower death and she had conquered it, taken captive the symbol of the rebellion and stolen the source of her power, she had done more than anyone in the history of the horde in a day.

But no matter what she did, no matter how successful she was she was always the second favourite.

Before finding out about Shadow Weaver Catra had been able to see a life for herself out here, ruling an empire with her friend from the First One’s ship.

But Adora had taken her future away from her. Again.

She had taken it away by being perfect. By being Shadow Weaver’s favourite. Even when she betrayed her and tried to destroy the horde their mentor chose Adora.

Catra hated Adora.

This time Catra actually believed herself. And she wouldn’t let her win. She couldn’t. 

Adora had left her. Betrayed her. And she gets to be the hero? She gets to have friends? She gets Shadow Weaver’s pride? 

Well she wouldn’t get to win. Even if Catra had to destroy the world to stop Adora from winning. So Catra destroyed the few reasons she had to not die; she sent Entrapta to beast island and destroyed her friendship with Scorpia.

That was the closest Catra got to dieing; technically she did die. She fought to die, she virtually begged Adora to kill them both because she could not see any point in continuing.

But then she won. Adora saved the world, saved her because of her damn hero complex and Catra had a reason to keep going, to burn the world and beat Adora.

She hated Adora, and from the look She-ra gave her as she made her escape Adora hated her now to. Not that she cared.

For the time after that Catra’s only drive came from the need to win, she would win and defeat everyone, even Hordak and then: after she won and when she ruled all of Etheria she would be happy. She wouldn’t have to be scared again. She would do what she’d planned to do since she was a child, Adora didn’t matter.

But then it had all come crashing down, she lost everything. After Double Trouble betrayed and psychologically tortured her Catra was left empty, she was prepared for death now. All of her work had been destroyed and she realised it had been useless anyway. She would never have been happy even if she conquered and burned everything. She had nothing now.

She didn’t even hate Adora. But she knew Adora hated her now, Catra had pushed away the only reason she’d survived it in the Horde, the only reason she had for… continuing.

But now she had nothing, so she felt nothing when Sparkles stood over her, about to end her.

Then she’d ended upon an alien spaceship, because of course she did.

And she saved Glimmer’s life. At the time she wasn’t sure why, she could have not spoken up and let her die, but she didn’t. Looking back, she knew she’d done it for Adora. She’d taken so much from her.

She had no doubts about beaming Glimmer to Adora though, she knew she had to make it up to her, even though the Horde would kill her for it.

Because Catra loved Adora.

She knew she would never get to be with her again and so screamed her apology, which would be her last words to any non-clone, even though she knew Adora hated her and could never forgive her.

Catra had knelt in front of Horde Prime and knew that this was finally the end. And she laughed. She laughed because of all this time of devoting every fibre of her being to beating Adora she was going to die for saving her life.

But then Adora had come anyway, and Catra had hurt her, slashing her with deep cuts, a tiny section of her mind which remained unconquered by Prime watched herself inflict such damage on Adora with horror, unable to stop it; only managing to force out brief sentences when the chip was damaged but she knew there was only one this was going to end.

She could remember the start of the fall, the tipping sensation as her body was rocked back with electrical energy. She couldn’t, however recall hitting the floor below her, she wasn’t aware of anything.

Honestly after a lifetime of buildup dieing was kind of a let down.

Catra wasn’t exactly sure what she’d expected; just something more… intense?

As it was she was just met with darkness, in one direction she could hear noises, shouts and crashes but she ignored those; heading, almost without thinking, away from the sounds and deeper into the darkness.

But then a sound stopped her, cutting through all the endless black and sounding clearly in her ears.

“You’re not done. Not yet”

Turning she saw a growing golden light.

“We’re going home.”

She reached out a hand, and it was engulfed in the warm light.

Catra stepped into the gold and woke, coughing slightly.

“Hey Adora.” The words were difficult and felt insufficient but a moment later she was pulled up into a hug which she returned after a shocked second.

For the first time in a long time Catra didn’t have to look hard for a reason to keep living.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I hoped you enjoyed.


End file.
